I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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