Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
