i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
