Don't you send me to vm
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
