u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
