You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
