It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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