Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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