He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
