So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
