woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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