why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
