i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
