I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
