i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
