i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
