did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
