Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
