I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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