why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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