I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
