This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
