I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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