Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
