Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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