Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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