the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
