Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
