I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and she was petting her beer can
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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