The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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