It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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