They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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