My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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