I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
