her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
