Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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