we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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