My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
