I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
