between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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