The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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