DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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