I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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