So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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