My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
