ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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