there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
