If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
