life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
