We're facebook friends in real life
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
