I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
