So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
