I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
