someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
