I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
